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Winner of Gujarat Assembly Elections 2017 is …

Posted by gujelections_omg on December 18, 2017 | Comment

The big day is finally here, and I am so glad to see you all gather today, sitting together for once. It’s a lovely sight. Attention! Please be quiet! I will now be announcing the winner of the Gujarat Assembly elections 2017.

Quiet, please. Hello, Hello, is the mike working? Yes, its fine now. Can you all hear me? Ok, please sit down. I am pleased to announce the winner of the polls in Gujarat now, and the winner is …. Mr. Gandhi, no please don’t get up, I have not yet announced your name.

Mr. Modi, why have you started walking to the stage, I have not yet taken your name? What is this? Can we at least maintain some decorum here? Mr. Anand Sharma, there is no need to smile. This is serious business. Today is a big day for Gujarat and India. As you all know, we have all worked so hard to organize these elections in a free and fair manner.

No Mr. Hardik, no need to raise your hand, you can speak later, after I have announced the results. No, please sit down Mr. Hardik.
And, why are you standing up Mr. Jaitley? There is still a lot of time left to announce the Budget. Please sit down. Quiet, please. So, as I was saying, the winner of Gujarat Assembly elections 2017 is … Mrs. Gandhi, please pay attention. You can speak to Mr. Manmohan Singh later. And Mr. Rahul Gandhi, please stop scratching yourself, you can do that later.

Yes, as you all know today I will be announcing the winner of Gujarat assembly elections. I know how excited you all are. Please be quite at the back. Mr. Rajnath Singh, why can’t you speak to CBI head later, can’t it wait till after I make the announcement? What’s so urgent? No, I don’t want to hear your reasons. This is important.

Mr. Kejriwal, could please stop coughing so loudly? I know it’s really cold, but you haven’t done anything about the pollution either, have you? Now, even you have to suffer. No, I don’t want to hear your explanation now. This is not the time.

And, why are you getting up Mr. Amarinder Singh? Have I asked you anything? No, please you can respond to Mr. Kejriwal later. No, Mr. Hooda now you don’t start. Not now, please I have to announce the results. The nation wants to know.

And, the winner is … Mr. Modi, now where are you going? Can the tea break be taken after the announcement? I thought you were most excited to know who won? Or do you already know the results? How can you know?

Mr. Singhvi, now you don’t start getting up. No, I don’t want to hear it. There is no problem with the EVMs. They are working just fine. Mr. Modi, stop smiling. No, Mr. Gandhi, you can’t speak now, please sit down. Quiet, please.

So, as I was saying, the winner of this year’s Gujarat elections is … Mr. Rupani, I haven’t taken your name as yet, why are you getting up? What’s the hurry? Please be patient.

And, the winner is …Now, what is it Mr. Hardik? Please sit down. No, the winner cannot be reserved. Who told you that? No, I won’t hear it. Quiet, please. This is too much. You have all been waiting for the results for so long, and now, all of you are not allowing me to announce the results.

The winner of these elections is … Hello, Hello, what’s happened to the mike? What? Electricity failure! Please keep calm; please keep calm. Mr. Piyush Goyal where are you? I can’t see a thing. Mr. Goyal, Mr. Goyal! What? Are you no more the Minster of Power? Then who is? I have to make the announcement….the announcement…! OMG!

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